Sunday, March 30, 2014

Our Biggest Enemy...Ourselves

I don't believe my horse, River, ruminates over her past.  She doesn't berate herself for past mistakes or mire herself in negative self-talk.  River lives in the here and now.  The past is the past.  The future is not something to worry about.

To continue to pick apart our past, to continually tear our own selves down, to be anxious about the future --  appears to be uniquely part of the human experience.  And have you noticed that we, as humans,  seem to be hardest on ourselves and more forgiving of others? We tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we would friends or family.  As was initially said many years ago in the Pogo comic strip:  "We have met the enemy and he is us."

When I talk to others who are beating themselves up, I tell them to look at themselves as they would their own best friend.  Would you treat your best friend as you are treating yourself?  If they answer "no", then they are probably being way to hard on themselves.  And while I tell others that, I have to remind myself of the same thing when I get to hard on myself. 

You are first one foremost your own best friend.  Keep reminding yourself of that every day.  And take the picture below and post it where you can see it every day.  I am going to!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Truths and Un-Truths

In the equine world, horses don't wonder if another horse is telling the truth -- things are pretty black and white with horses.  There is "the Truth".  No shades of truth or differing perspectives -- what is, well...is.  You definitely know where you stand with a horse.

In the human world, things get much more complicated.  As humans, we each bring a unique perspective based upon our life experiences, emotions, and biases.  Talk to ten people who are at an event and ask them what happened, you may get ten different answers.  Each person may be stating "the truth", but that truth is grounded in their perspective.  The reality of an event, or "the truth" when taking into account all the different perspectives, is somewhere in the middle -- after you strip away all the human brain-induced biases.  As Sgt. Friday said, "Just the facts, Ma'am".

In the human realm, there are truths and there are un-truths -- whether that be the "fib", the "half-truth", the "little white lie", the "whopper lie", or the un-truth by virtue of omission.  We've all been guilty of delivering "un-truths"; whether it be to save face, to save another from hurt feelings, or to not face consequences associated with the truth.   The problem with "un-truths" is that the larger they are, the more apt they are to wreak havoc, not only for us but for those who are the recipients of these un-truths. 

And what is our reaction when we are caught in an un-truth?  Looking at the media today, it seems that the most common reaction is denial, followed by anger, and then finally -- maybe -- remorse with an apology.  We tend to get defensive that we've been found out, maybe blame others, when the most direct and effective method is a true, heartfelt apology followed by a genuine effort to repair the damage caused by the un-truth. 

Easy? Definitely not! There is no other method, though, that gives us a chance to make things right -- or at least to make it better. 





Thursday, March 20, 2014

It All Starts with Trust....

"..and he whispered to the horse, trust no man in whose eyes you do not see yourself reflected as an equal."  ~ Unknown

It is as true in the horse world as it is in the human world, and I would venture to say the whole of the at least higher animal world, that "trust" is the foundation of relationships.  Trust, in the purest animal sense, can mean literally mean the difference between living or dying.  A horse in the wild living in a herd places its trust in the leader of the herd to ensure its continued survival.

In humans, trust forms the foundation of our relationships with others and how we interact with them. It also is the most basic element needed to lead others;  for without trust in a leader, one is not a leader.

So, how do we decide in whom to trust or to distrust?  The term often used is "walking the talk" or "say what you'll do - do what you say".  It is an alignment of words and deeds -- over and over and over.  Trust takes time to build and is easily broken when words and deeds are not aligned.  And as long as it takes to build trust, it takes very little to break the bonds of trust.  We must continually show that we are worthy of trust -- whether that be with our family, friends, co-workers, or animal friends.

River continues to reinforce in me the power of trust.  Even though River is not a large horse by any means, she still is a powerful animal with a mind of her own.  The world could be on her terms if she chose.  Establishing trust with River has been an evolving process.  She has always accepted me, but it has been through River's illness and convalescence that we have truly developed a  level of trust that we haven't had before.  It is exemplified by her stopping her eating and walking to greet me at the gate, and her tolerance as I learn to be a better rider.  I am always mindful that her trust is hard earned and I have to keep earning it.  And she repays my trust in kind.  And for that I am grateful.






River comes to greet me at the gate.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

United We Stand....Divided We Fall

I proudly hail from the Commonwealth of Kentucky, though I have been some time now a Florida transplant.  The motto on the Kentucky State flag is "United We Stand - Divided We Fall". Pretty profound when you think about it.  After all, aren't we more powerful when we work together toward a common goal, as opposed to everyone going in different directions?  How often, though, do we go our own way, not because we don't support the same larger goal as others, but because we are locked into our own paradigm of the world.  It could be "my way is the only way to do it" or "I don't agree with [insert name here]" or "I don't want to work with [insert name here]"... We go off on our own path, only to find that it would have been much easier and effective to join together to meet that greater common goal. 

There are countless examples of the power of unity, both recounted a myriad of times in history and in a smaller context in our daily lives.  Look at a horse and its rider -- a horse and rider working together is profoundly beautiful.  A horse and rider that are in conflict is another matter.  You could have the best horse or the best rider, but if that unity -- that oneness, is not established -- well, it is all for naught.

It takes courage and a knowledge of self to be able to step back and look at a situation and determine how to effectively work with others to meet that common goal.  That isn't to say that there may be times that you do need to make your own path, but there are many times when we need to step away from the ego and emotions to determine what is really important.  United, we can do great things!