Reflections on the Year Gone By....

"Christmas is a season not only of rejoicing but of reflection." ~ Winston Churchill

 

As we are in the Christmas Season and the end of year and with the new year just around the corner, it is a time of joyful anticipation.  It is also a time, as Winston Churchill noted, of reflection -- reflection over the year that has gone by and reflection on the year that is fast approaching.

 

As I look back over the past year, it has been a maelstrom of events -- some of great sadness and loss but others of great joy.  I have witnessed humanity at its most base and selfish, balanced by the true grace of humanity at its most generous and giving.  I have learned much and grown much.

 

River, too, has had her ups and downs.  Another bout of laminitis and a diagnosis of Cushing's Disease were setbacks, but with the care of a tremendous community of horse professionals, River is thriving and once again we are now riding together.  River continues to teach me in so many ways.  She continually helps me expand my capacity for patience, as she continues to expand my learning on horses and horse care.  Through her, I have met and developed friendships with a wonderful community of people that have reignited my passion and opened my horizons to new things.

 

As we end 2014, I think of how far we've come and how exciting the journey in 2015 will be.

 

Wishing each of you, a very happy and health journey in 2015!

 

Maynette and River

 

 

The Season's Magic....

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." ~Norman Vincent Peale

Last night was the Christmas Party at the barn where I board River.  Even though it is Florida, the air was crisp and chilly, making the horses very energetic.  Christmas lights were hung everywhere.  There was good food, good friends, and the sounds of Christmas music.  I brought River up from the pasture to her stall.  She enjoyed everyone coming by and making over her.  As I walked back up to the barn in the dark after putting River back out in her pasture, I paused.  Standing on the path, I had a great view of all the Christmas lights.  I could hear the laughter,  the music, and the nearby sounds of the horses.  Looking up, it was a clear night with all the stars visible.  It was truly magical. Standing there, the beauty of the world truly filled me with awe and gratitude.  While the moment passed, the feeling has lingered.  I am going to strive to hold on to that feeling now and into the new year.

To you and yours, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays from River and me.  Wishing you magical moments!

Simple Gifts

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free

                   'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

                  'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,

                    To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,        

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right

~ "Simple Gifts" by Joseph Brackett

I have always loved the song, "Simple Gifts", an old Shaker hymn.  It is profound in its very simplicity. 

It seems especially appropriate as we enter into the Holiday Season with stores clamoring for our attention with great deals for gifts and the attendant pressure to buy the perfect gift for that special someone to remember that the "simple gifts" are  the best ones of all.

So, what are some great simple gifts?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:

- Volunteer at an animal shelter.  Shelter animals need love and attention -- and many times a person to help them regain their trust in humans.

- Teach others a special talent or skill you have (e.g. woodworking, crafts, amateur radio).  Sharing your time and passion inspires passion in others.

- Tutor a student.  You can change their academic future.

- Clean out your closet. Take those unworn clothes and unused toys and give them to your favorite charity's thrift shop or to a local women's shelter. It will make a world of different to those in need.

- Take meals to those that cannot leave their homes.  It will make a bright spot in your day and in theirs.

 Let's start the "Simple Gifts" movement. Add to the list and pass it on!

 

River -- one of the many special things I am thankful for.

                                        

Walk in my Shoe...

They say that to understand a person you need to walk a mile in their shoes.  For the past week, I have had just a taste of how those with physical limitations live their lives.  I have cracked a bone spur in my foot and am walking around in a "boot", facing the distinct possibility of foot surgery.  (And no, River, my equine coach, had no part in my foot issue!) While I am pretty mobile in this "boot", I have to give considerations into walking distance and weather (can't get the darn thing wet), not to mention the general navigating around with it. 

What has been a real eye opener is how people act in large stores when you have physical limitations.  In several trips to a local store, I have been almost run over as people rush around me or past me.  There is no consideration that they might hit by bum foot or knock me over.  I am a physical barrier to get past -- and mind you, I can walk pretty fast in this contraption!

This makes me think about others that have greater physical limitations than I -- and mine is just temporary.  They are surely facing many of the same issues in public places, and on a larger scale. If you are able bodied, you don't give a second thought about maneuvering in a parking lot or in a store around people and things.  To someone that has physical limitations, one has to be strategic with every outing taking into account so many things others take for granted:  Can I walk on my crutches from here to there?  Do I have enough room to translate from my car to my wheelchair?  Can my walker fit in that tight space?  Can I lift that jug of detergent while trying to stand with a cane?

On top of that, there are some whose physical limitations may not be apparent to the general bystander.  My Dad, for example, had kidney failure.  Due to that, he was limited in how far he could walk and had a handicapped sticker for his car.  Physical limitations don't necessarily mean that someone is walking with crutches or a cane.

I am not lamenting my condition, nor am I viewing those with physical limitations with pity.  I am, however, looking at how to be more considerate of others who brave and conquer the able-bodied world everyday.  Take a second to imagine all of those things you take for granted as an able-bodied person.  Now, look at others with new eyes.  Don't treat someone as an impediment to get around.  Enjoy the journey and those travelling with you -- even those of us who may be travelling in the slower lane. 

Body, Mind, and Soul

"Health is a complete harmony of the mind, body, and spirit.  When one is free from physical disabilities and mental distractions, the gates of the soul open." ~ B.K.S. Iyengar

As River has some chronic health issues, keeping her healthy through proactive means is critical to keep the recurrence of her health issues at bay.  This involves ensuring she eats the proper diet, drinks enough water, has regular farrier and vet appointments, and gets exercise. It also requires a lot of observation on my part, since River can't tell me if she doesn't feel well.

Proactively managing one's own health is crucial not only to operating at peak performance physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.  A lot of what I do for River, I need to be doing for me as well:  making healthier food choices, drinking lots of water, getting enough sleep and exercising.  River helps with the latter.  The care of a horse involves a lot of physical activity, but I have to be responsible for the former items -- easier said than done!

When the body is not feeling good, it is hard to be on your game mentally, much less in touch with the spiritual.  It is when the body is healthy and the mind is engaged that the larger universe and all the wonder it entails becomes truly visible to us, as B.K.S. Iyengar reminds us.

With the hectic pace of our lives, it is often hard to focus on our own health; but tending to our own physical, mental, and spiritual health makes us more available to do more things -- for ourselves and for others.  Tending to our health enhances the quality of our lives in multiple dimensions.

Today, I am committing to making healthier choices to benefit me, my family, my friends -- and my trusted equine coach, River.   How about you?

Light the Shadows

"Every act of evil unleashes a million acts of kindness. That is why shadows will never win while there is still light to shine." ~ Aaron Paquette

Sometimes it feels like the world is against us.  People conspire to take away our self-confidence and self-esteem.  We try to treat others as we would like to be treated only to be rebuffed or trod upon.  At the end of the day, we feel demoralized.  Is it worth the effort to live by the Golden Rule? Should we become one of those same people who have, at the end of the day, sapped our sense of self?

It is at those times when reaching out with an act of kindness fuels us to stay the course.  One small act -- a smile to a stranger -- makes us feel good and has a domino effect all around us.  It is the small acts of kindness that beget even larger acts of kindness -- like the waves spreading  in a pond when a pebble is thrown into the water.

The next time you feel that the world is against you -- practice kindness.  Practices kindness to people and to animals.  Practice kindness to light the shadows.  You will be the better for it, and so will those around you.

River and I wish you kindness and light.

Barn Time

Monday and I hit the ground running.  So much to do!  Work, home, family -- did I mention school is starting?!   Physically and mentally, I am pushed and rushed.  After a long day, I hop in the car and make the drive to the barn, making a mental checklist of everything I need to do at the there:  groom River, treat her hooves, exercise her.  I park my car at the barn, ready to sprint to get my "to do" list done. The barn, though, lives to its own schedule and I feel the topsy turvy "gotta do it now" world slipping away.  Time slows down.  My overactive brain slows down.  I can feel the tension in my muscles drain away.  Yes, I still have my "to do" list, but now it doesn't feel so onerous and rushed.

I walk down to River's pasture calling her name.  Her ears prick up and she takes a few steps in my direction.  We walk up the hill to the barn together.  Up in the barn, I groom her.  I talk to her as I brush out her mane.  Each time I come around by her face, I kiss her nose.  I think she would much prefer a treat to my kiss, but she tolerates it.  After her "spa" session, I walk her down the horse trails to give her and me some exercise.  No riding tonight, but a brisk walk through the woods is just what the doctor ordered.  River companionably walks by me, hoping to get a few morsels of prime grass as we walk. We come out from the trail near her pasture, where I put her back in to the happy calls of her fellow equine pasture-mate.  River ambles off to take a drink and I walk up the hill, feeling relaxed and happy.  My "to do" list at the barn was complete, but it never felt like work at all. 

As I start my Tuesday, I will try to remain in the bliss that ended my Monday and live in "barn time".

Integrity

Have the courage to say no.  Have the courage to face the truth.  Do the right thing because it is right.  These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.  ~ W. Clement Stone

 

 

It seems like everywhere around us, we are seeing evidence of people living contrary to W. Clement Stone's quote: on the news, in the newspaper, via word of mouth, through personal experience  -- but then comes that one story of someone that defines the word "integrity" -- and we feel that maybe the world isn't such a bad place after all.

 

Living with integrity is an inherently human trait.  Integrity is not a characteristic that you can apply to another other species. Living with integrity can be hard to do.  It is hard to say no.  It is difficult to face the truth.  And doing the right thing is not always easy.  We are programmed to take the path of least resistance and that is what makes living with integrity hard, as it often takes us through more onerous paths.  Living with integrity may not make you popular, but at the end of the day it is its own reward knowing that you did the right thing.  And sometimes, -- just sometimes --you may just find out years later what an impact you made by living with integrity. That is a  moment when you realize that, though difficult, living with integrity changes lives beyond your own for the better.

 

May you take the more onerous path and live your life with integrity...

 

 

 

 

Walk the Same Path with a New Perspective

After recovering from another flair-up of laminitis, my Equine Coach, River, has been cleared by her veterinarian to be ridden again!  River's exercise had been  limited to ground work only to this point in her recovery.  Exercise is a double-edged sword for River after she is out of the acute laminitic phase -- Exercise is essential to her recovery and hoof health, but heavily monitored so as not to compromise her recovery.

River and I have been down this path before, but I come this time with a new perspective -- a perspective that is borne out of prior experience and greater knowledge than when I last trod this path a year ago with her.  I feel better equipped to bring River through her rehabilitation phase as I know what to do and what to look for as we move forward.

How many times in life have you encountered the same or similar problem or circumstance more than once, but find that  you look at it from a new perspective?  This new perspective may be due to similar experiences or just a fresh outlook on an old issue, which offers opportunities to resolve or at the very least navigate the issue in a different, but more effective way.

It doesn't take a major illness or other life changing experience to have these shifts in perspective.  Sometimes it can be as easy as setting a problem aside and sleeping on it, or being creative and thinking beyond your current self-imposed boundaries.

Got a recurrent problem gnawing at you?  Try approaching it from a new perspective.  The results may surprise you!

"Share and Share Alike"

I just finished reading the latest racing romance, Share and Share Alike, by Hannah Hooton.  If you love horses, romance, and a great mystery story, this is the book for you!  Great character development and vibrant descriptions make the books just come alive.  I was right there as a virtual member of the Syndicate.  While it was sad for the book to end (always a sign of a great read!), I can't wait to read more of Hannah Hooton's books!

To find Share and Share Alike, check out the links below:

Amazon

Barnes and Noble

Kobo 

Apple 

Scribd 

Inkterra 

Embrace the Mundane

 "I like to make the mundane fabulous whenever I can." ~ Rufus Wainwright

 

This past week was a departure from the mundane.  Events that were not pleasant for the most part, which made me realize how much I appreciate my normal, daily routine and how much I take it for granted.  We tend to go on autopilot through our days until something shakes up our routine -- sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  While it is good to shake things up, it also behooves us to be more aware of our daily routine, to embrace  and revel in how special "the mundane" really is.  When you think about it, the mundane really isn't mundane -- it is very special!

Today, I gave River a bath.  Normally, that can be a chore, but today I looked at it with new eyes.  It is truly amazing to be able to care for such an amazing creature, and for her to trust me to care for her.

Today, embrace the mundane, and as Rufus Wainwright says, make it fabulous.

 

River after her bath.

Bullies

There are bullies in the horse world,  horses that seem to plainly not like each other and take every opportunity to take it out on the other horse through biting and kicking.  The "bullied" horse takes pains to stay away from the horse doing the bullying.  In a domestic horse environment, humans can help the process by keeping the "bully-er" and the "bully-ee" in separate pastures.  In a wild horse environment, that type of behavior can result in expulsion of the horse from the herd.

As always, the human world is more complex in this arena.  Bullying can take many forms in human:  physical bullying or psychological bullying.  And cyberspace and social media make it easier for the bullies to take out their aggression toward others but in a more insidious manner -- you can't always get away from the bullying when it is appearing on your Social Media account or being texted to your phone or being broadcast to the world.  Sure, you can "block", but bullies can find other ways to harass by changing account names or using new phone numbers.  And because cyber-bullying is so easy to do -- it can be anonymous and just type your message and send -- it is a technological epidemic as it becomes very easy for those that bully (or who might not do it face-to-face but feel comfortable doing it over cyberspace) to bully others on a wide scale, potentially taking an emotional toll on the bully victim and sometimes a physical toll as well.

And it is not just limited to teens.  Adults have climbed on the bandwagon as well. Over the past several months, I have had the misfortune of dealing with cyber-bullies.  And like the advice we give our children regarding bullies -- walk away, don't engage, talk to a responsible adult authority -- we adults have to follow similar advice.  Bullying is a learned behavior, one that carries immediate gratification to the bully-er, a sense of power and control over someone else.  The bully-ee needs to learn methods for effectively dealing with the bully' behaviors that wrests the control and power from them.  At that point, the bulling is rendered inffective.

Let's stop the epidemic.  Teach yourself, your children, and your friends measures to protect against bullies -- cyber or otherwise.  Stand up for those being bullied.

                                           

It's Deja Vu -- All Over Again...

With a nod to Yogi Berra as I love that quote....

It was a not so welcome reminder of the past when my equine coach, River, was a little "off" as she trotted in the round pen last weekend.  A worried call to the vet and a vet visit later in the day confirmed my fears -- River had a flare-up of laminitis.  Laminitis is an inflammation of the connective tissue, the lamina, between the hoof and the bone in the hoof, the coffin or pedal bone.  The inflammation chokes the blood supply in the hoof and the forces on the bone can cause it to rotate.  In extreme cases, the bone can actually punch through the bottom of the hoof.  River has at least two acute cases of laminitis previously.  Her recovery from the last bout was amazing; but like any chronic condition, it can rear its ugly head.  And so, here we were again.

River was put on anti-inflammatories and I began the daily process of soaking her feet in ice water to bring down the inflammation.  River took it all stoically.  I am pleased that a subsequent vet visit this weekend showed that she was greatly improved -- so much so that she is allowed to do some light groundwork exercise and have her anti-inflammatories reduced.

River was not giving strong signals that something was wrong.  It was only through observation that I knew that she was in pain.  It's the same with us humans.  It may not be evident that someone is hurting, whether it be physically or emotionally.  A person may show it in other ways besides showing pain or sharing that they are in pain.  They may become terse or angry or withdrawn.  For those we deal with daily, it may be a process of careful observation to determine they are hurting.  For those we deal with in passing, we may never know, but should give the benefit of the doubt.  Every person is usually dealing with some type of pain or difficulty in their lives.  Once we determine  someone is in pain, then we can reach out to help them.  Like River, once the pain is identified, the process to resolve the pain and recovery can then begin.

Not Horse Related -- But A Great Story of People Pulling Together...

The closest I can relate this to a horse story is that takes place in Louisville, Kentucky, the home of the Kentucky Derby -- this story is truly human in all respects.

After a brief visit to Louisville to celebrate the graduation of my oldest nephew, my family and I arrived at the Louisville airport and settled in at the departure gate for a direct flight to Orlando.  About an hour before the flight, it was announced that the plane had mechanical issues and was delayed for five hours.  Now, being that the plane was heading to Orlando -- home of Disney World and other favorite family destinations -- there were lots of families with small children.  None of the families were looking forward to a five-hour delay with tired and bored little ones.

One man came to the rescue.  I can only believe that this gentlemen performs as a professional magician or clown, as he pulled out a load of balloons and a pump and started making balloon swords and balloon animals.  Soon, the whole departure gate erupted in a joyful free-for-all of children playing together with balloon swords and balloon animals.  People who did not know each other were laughing and talking with one another, enjoying the ensuing melee.  The gentleman was even willing to teach other adults how to make these special balloon shapes.  After a while, all the kids happily settled down.  Some napped while others watched videos.  All in all a quiet, albeit long wait.

The plane left close to six hours late, but the tone set by this wonderful gentleman set the tone for the rest of the wait and the uneventful flight down to Orlando.  Truly evidence that one person's actions can make a huge difference.

To Thine Own Self Be True....

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss  

 

The essence of Dr. Seuss' quote is really profound, particularly the "Be who you are...".   Being true to ourselves and our values can sometimes be really hard to do in our world today.   For my equine partner, River, what you see is what you get.  If she's happy or sad, angry or in pain, it is very evident.  Her relationships with other horses and with the humans she associates with are based on open communication.  There is no hiding what is important to her or how she feels.  Indeed, to survive and thrive as a horse, a horse has to be true to themselves.  By doing that, it defines the horse's hierarchy in the herd and the overall hardiness of the herd.

 

We humans, though, well -- it's more complicated.  Societal expectations, peer expectations, family expectations often force us for expedience to deviate from being who we are.  And that ultimately takes its toll.  There is stress in trying to be or live to what we are not or with values that are not in alignment with our own.

 

The move to be more authentic to ourselves and who we are carries it share of risk, such as the risk of  moving away from activities or friendships.  Ultimately, though, being true to yourself allows you to reap the benefits of living in alignment with your values, allowing you to develop relationships with those who  support you for being you and engage in activities that support and nurture your values.

 

It's not easy and it can't happen overnight -- but it can be done.

 

Here's to you being you! 

Do the Right Thing...

"Have the courage to say no.  Have the courage to face the truth.  Do the right thing because is is right.  These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity."  ~ W.C. Clement Stone

After some emotional upheavals this week, I have had a chance to ponder about the ramifications of actions -- particularly that action known as "doing the right thing".   While there are some universal standards about what "the right thing" is, sometimes "the right thing" can be subjective..  What is the "right thing" to one person, may not be to another in circumstances where there is not necessarily a straightforward answer.  

I have done what I thought was "the right thing" and been burned and hurt at the time, and much later (a year or more) come to find out that "the right thing" was truly the right thing.  Sometimes the ramifications of our actions are not apparent at the time, but only much later.

Every day gives us opportunities to do "the right thing".  And the right thing is not always easy.  It can be emotionally painful or physically uncomfortable.  It may test relationships.  However, in order to live with integrity, we must always try to do what we think is right.  We are all human.  Our actions may not be the solution to the problem, but it is an honest opportunity to make our little area of the world a better place, while living in harmony with our values.

So, be courageous. Do the right thing.

What The World Needs.....

The last week of April, my family (including two dogs -- but not River!) traveled via car to Kentucky to visit my family.  Long car rides, especially when you are not the driver, offer great opportunities for observation and introspection.  In addition to enjoying the varying terrain on the 14+ hour one-way drive, there was an opportunity to observe and interact with a lot of people along the way.

One of the things I noticed throughout the trip, both from personal interaction and from observation -- with driving habits being a leading indicator -- is the absence of courtesy and kindness on the part of a large number of folks.  People are in a hurry, distracted, stressed, and focused on getting "there" (wherever "there" happens to be). I observed drivers in a hurry to the point of driving recklessly; interactions between customers and shop employees that didn't involve eye contact or even a word; and folks that rushed past not mindful of any person or object in their path.

Seeing all this, I made the extra effort to be courteous, especially to those working in stores.  The people I talked to seemed to really appreciate the chance to actually talk and not just be looked at as an impediment to checking the next box off of someone's endless "to do" list.  And these opportunities gave me equal appreciation to connect with another person.

Of course this lack of courtesy, while prevalent, did not reflect all my experiences.  I had the most pleasant time as a woman brought her six month old over to our car at a rest stop to look in the window at our two dogs.  Her grandson had never seen a dog. I brought one of our dogs out the car to meet the woman and her grandson.  We had a chance to share child rearing stories with each other and this little boy had his first chance to meet a dog.  I left the rest stop feeling so good.

What a small effort it takes to acknowledge a person -- to smile, to say "hi", to say "thank you".  And those small actions not make other people feel better, it makes us feel better.  It also makes this world a kinder, better place to live in.

This week, take a small step to making this world a kinder place -- be kind and considerate to others.

Miracles All Around Us

It's not that unusual
When everything is beautiful
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when it's time to snow
Don't need to teach a seed to grow
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift, they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up, and find a way
To give some of your own

Isn't it remarkable?
Like everytime a raindrop falls
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

The birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
'Cause we are all a part
Of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle

It seems so exceptional
That things work out after all
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

The sun comes out and shines so bright
And disappears again at night
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

It's just another
Ordinary miracle today 

Lyrics to Ordinary Miracle by Sarah McLachlan

Being "of a certain age", it seems like I have personally experienced or know of others dealing with illnesses or deaths of family members or friends with increasing frequency; so, it was with great joy that I was able to experience the initial hours of a new life on this earth this past week.

A week ago, I parked my car at the barn and immediately noticed that one of the mares in the pasture had a baby in tow!  The little filly was only about an hour old.  She was gangly -- all legs, but already walking around and hanging close to Mom.  All the horses in the adjacent pastures were watching the mare and her new little one with rapt attention.  River was calling out to the both of them, with either longing or encouragement.

Baby was soon tired and she curled up in the grass. Mom, tired from all the exertion of giving birth, laid down next to her baby.  A few of us who were watching this amazing sight sat down next to Mom and baby, both of whom willingly accepted our gentle stroking.  It was a peaceful, humbling, and as well as truly magical experience.  Several days later, a new little one was born.  And as I write this, a good friend is awaiting the birth of another foal or filly any day now.

With so much that seems wrong in our lives or in the world today, it is moments like the time spent watching the new little filly which truly emphasize the miracles both ordinary and extraordinary and  that we experience daily - we just need to stop and recognize them!

Resilience and Perseverence

These past couple of weeks have been extremely difficult as I have seen several friends going through enormously difficult situations -- situations that completely tear away at the carefully structured framework and plans for a life,  forcing a complete re-evaluation of what is true and not true, what is really important and necessary, and what defines the future.

These life altering events can happen incrementally (e.g. a degenerative disease) or it can happen in the blink of an eye (e.g. a car accident), but these events can rattle a person to the very essence of their being -- calling into question core beliefs and shattering self-confidence.

Within in each one of us, though, is a spark -- a spark of hope that continues to keep the essence of who we are and what we stand for alive through the darkest hour.  Resilience is the ability to nurture that spark into a roaring flame, to overcome the adversity and not only live through it, but triumph over it to become even stronger than before.

And through these situations, having a support system is key. Those that use that support system are those that can weather the storm.  Often overlooked members of that support system are our animals, who have the innate ability to know what is wrong and what to give us when we need it most.

For all those going through great adversity, my wish for each of you is hope and the ability to persevere.  Develop your support system (human and animal) and use it in order to triumph over life's curveballs.

Our Biggest Enemy...Ourselves

I don't believe my horse, River, ruminates over her past.  She doesn't berate herself for past mistakes or mire herself in negative self-talk.  River lives in the here and now.  The past is the past.  The future is not something to worry about.

To continue to pick apart our past, to continually tear our own selves down, to be anxious about the future --  appears to be uniquely part of the human experience.  And have you noticed that we, as humans,  seem to be hardest on ourselves and more forgiving of others? We tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard than we would friends or family.  As was initially said many years ago in the Pogo comic strip:  "We have met the enemy and he is us."

When I talk to others who are beating themselves up, I tell them to look at themselves as they would their own best friend.  Would you treat your best friend as you are treating yourself?  If they answer "no", then they are probably being way to hard on themselves.  And while I tell others that, I have to remind myself of the same thing when I get to hard on myself. 

You are first one foremost your own best friend.  Keep reminding yourself of that every day.  And take the picture below and post it where you can see it every day.  I am going to!

Truths and Un-Truths

In the equine world, horses don't wonder if another horse is telling the truth -- things are pretty black and white with horses.  There is "the Truth".  No shades of truth or differing perspectives -- what is, well...is.  You definitely know where you stand with a horse.

In the human world, things get much more complicated.  As humans, we each bring a unique perspective based upon our life experiences, emotions, and biases.  Talk to ten people who are at an event and ask them what happened, you may get ten different answers.  Each person may be stating "the truth", but that truth is grounded in their perspective.  The reality of an event, or "the truth" when taking into account all the different perspectives, is somewhere in the middle -- after you strip away all the human brain-induced biases.  As Sgt. Friday said, "Just the facts, Ma'am".

In the human realm, there are truths and there are un-truths -- whether that be the "fib", the "half-truth", the "little white lie", the "whopper lie", or the un-truth by virtue of omission.  We've all been guilty of delivering "un-truths"; whether it be to save face, to save another from hurt feelings, or to not face consequences associated with the truth.   The problem with "un-truths" is that the larger they are, the more apt they are to wreak havoc, not only for us but for those who are the recipients of these un-truths. 

And what is our reaction when we are caught in an un-truth?  Looking at the media today, it seems that the most common reaction is denial, followed by anger, and then finally -- maybe -- remorse with an apology.  We tend to get defensive that we've been found out, maybe blame others, when the most direct and effective method is a true, heartfelt apology followed by a genuine effort to repair the damage caused by the un-truth. 

Easy? Definitely not! There is no other method, though, that gives us a chance to make things right -- or at least to make it better. 

It All Starts with Trust....

"..and he whispered to the horse, trust no man in whose eyes you do not see yourself reflected as an equal."  ~ Unknown

It is as true in the horse world as it is in the human world, and I would venture to say the whole of the at least higher animal world, that "trust" is the foundation of relationships.  Trust, in the purest animal sense, can mean literally mean the difference between living or dying.  A horse in the wild living in a herd places its trust in the leader of the herd to ensure its continued survival.

In humans, trust forms the foundation of our relationships with others and how we interact with them. It also is the most basic element needed to lead others;  for without trust in a leader, one is not a leader.

So, how do we decide in whom to trust or to distrust?  The term often used is "walking the talk" or "say what you'll do - do what you say".  It is an alignment of words and deeds -- over and over and over.  Trust takes time to build and is easily broken when words and deeds are not aligned.  And as long as it takes to build trust, it takes very little to break the bonds of trust.  We must continually show that we are worthy of trust -- whether that be with our family, friends, co-workers, or animal friends.

River continues to reinforce in me the power of trust.  Even though River is not a large horse by any means, she still is a powerful animal with a mind of her own.  The world could be on her terms if she chose.  Establishing trust with River has been an evolving process.  She has always accepted me, but it has been through River's illness and convalescence that we have truly developed a  level of trust that we haven't had before.  It is exemplified by her stopping her eating and walking to greet me at the gate, and her tolerance as I learn to be a better rider.  I am always mindful that her trust is hard earned and I have to keep earning it.  And she repays my trust in kind.  And for that I am grateful.



River comes to greet me at the gate.

United We Stand....Divided We Fall

I proudly hail from the Commonwealth of Kentucky, though I have been some time now a Florida transplant.  The motto on the Kentucky State flag is "United We Stand - Divided We Fall". Pretty profound when you think about it.  After all, aren't we more powerful when we work together toward a common goal, as opposed to everyone going in different directions?  How often, though, do we go our own way, not because we don't support the same larger goal as others, but because we are locked into our own paradigm of the world.  It could be "my way is the only way to do it" or "I don't agree with [insert name here]" or "I don't want to work with [insert name here]"... We go off on our own path, only to find that it would have been much easier and effective to join together to meet that greater common goal. 

There are countless examples of the power of unity, both recounted a myriad of times in history and in a smaller context in our daily lives.  Look at a horse and its rider -- a horse and rider working together is profoundly beautiful.  A horse and rider that are in conflict is another matter.  You could have the best horse or the best rider, but if that unity -- that oneness, is not established -- well, it is all for naught.

It takes courage and a knowledge of self to be able to step back and look at a situation and determine how to effectively work with others to meet that common goal.  That isn't to say that there may be times that you do need to make your own path, but there are many times when we need to step away from the ego and emotions to determine what is really important.  United, we can do great things!

Pushing the Envelope...

From "The Phrase Finder":


"Pushing the envelope: To attempt to extend the current limits of performance. To innovate, or go beyond commonly accepted boundaries"

"This phrase came into general use following the publication Tom Wolfe's book about the space programme - The Right Stuff, 1979:

"One of the phrases that kept running through the conversation was ‘pushing the outside of the envelope’... [That] seemed to be the great challenge and satisfaction of flight test."

Wolfe didn't originate the term, although it's appropriate that he used it in a technical and engineering context, as it was first used in the field of mathematics..."

 

I am "pushing the envelope", but I am not talking Rocket Science or mathematics, but about pushing the envelope on my fears.

 

About a month back, I wrote about an incident I had on River that really shook my confidence and made me fearful.  Over the past month, my trainer and I have been "pushing the envelope" on my fears, building on experiences that have allowed me to be more confident as a rider.  Yesterday was a true breakthrough for me -- I was totally relaxed in the saddle on River.  As a result, River and I had a most excellent lesson!

 

For those not into everything equine -- a horse can almost seem telepathic.  If you are nervous, the horse detects it and figures there is something to be nervous about as well.  Horses aren't telepathic, but excellent readers of body language, as any animal who is lower on the food chain needs to be to survive.  The calmer you are, the more calm and responsive the horse is.  So, being calm and relaxed is critical to riding a horse. 

 

Even the most confident of us have fears -- fear of public speaking, fear of flying, fear of change.  Some of these fears can truly hinder us in living the life we are meant to live, to experience all that life has to offer.  To break through these fears, it doesn't require one monumental leap but many, many small leaps of faith that build upon each other, giving us the confidence to take that additional step in the direction we want to take.  Sometimes there are back-steps along the way, but each effort makes us stronger, more resilient, more able to take on the next challenge.

What are you afraid of?  What small steps can you take to break through that barrier of fear?  River and my trainer are helping show me how.

 

 

Horses Just Know...

Events this week really reinforced for me the whole idea of the circle of life.  My Step-Dad passed away after an illness and my son is celebrating his birthday.  Both events have caused me to pause and reflect and to cry both tears of grief and of joy.  Life is precious and life is hard.  The high points of life are all the more sweet after we have prevailed over the low points.

A few years ago, my Mother-In-Law passed away.  I went out to the barn to decompress.  No one else was there and I had the opportunity to just walk and spend time with the horses and nature.  I particularly remember walking up to Marquis, a horse at the barn who wasn't the most demonstrative soul -- but Marquis knew that I was grieving in my heart.  He let me hug on him and cry all over him.  He instinctively knew what I was needed at that moment. I left the barn that day with a much lighter heart.  A few days later, my Mother-In-Law's brother came out with me to the barn.  As we sat enjoying nature and watching the horses, he commented that sitting there was the most relaxed and at peace that he had been in days.  The horses and nature were a balm to his soul as well.

So, this weekend, I celebrate the birth of my son and the passing of a gentle and kind man.  I know that I will spend some time at the barn this weekend, where the horses will instinctively know what my heart needs.

Fear and Worry -- Our two biggest nemeses

In Franklin D. Roosevelt's First Inaugural Address in 1932, he uttered the oft quoted line:  "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."  Truer words could not be said.  How often have we conjured up those feelings of dread, the pit of our stomach churning, about something that we envisioned happening -- but never comes to pass.  Which leads me to another quote, this one from Mark Twain:  “I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

I ponder both of these quotes as River and I are going through a transition.  The good news:  River is feeling MUCH better.  The bad news:  She has lost her manners and needs to go back to charm school.  Six or months of semi-retirement can do that to you, I suppose. 

A few weeks ago, I was riding River when she spooked.  She jumped sideways and bucked.  I stayed on, but it definitely shook my confidence.  And lack of confidence doesn't translate well in being a leader to your horse.  So, I am working on getting my confidence back - and those quotes resonate in my mind.  The mind is a very powerful tool and can be your worst enemy -- conjuring scenarios in your head.  Heck, in your mind you've already fallen off the horse before you've gotten on!  Conversely, the mind can also propel you to new breakthroughs -- hence the large role of sports psychology for those that compete.

I have been through this before -- fallen off a horse and it took awhile to get my mojo back.   At that time, I didn't think I would ever be brave again -- but I got there.  And I will again.  The key is to get my head away from what negative might happen to what positive might happen.

This same things applies to any aspect of life in which we feel fear -- fear of failure, fear of public speaking, fear of (fill in the blank).  So, I am filling my head with positive thoughts -- and putting my fears behind me. 

What fears are you facing that become bigger in your mind than they are in reality?  What positive thoughts can help you overcomes those fears and make breakthroughs?  Make your mind your friend and ally. 

Here's to overcoming our two biggest nemeses!